


Thermodynamic Equilibrium

by spoopyghostbones



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cruciatus Curse (Harry Potter), Hogwarts First Year, Hogwarts Third Year, James Potter is a Good Friend, Kind of angsty but kind of fluffy too, M/M, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Mentions of childhood abuse, Mentions of verbal abuse, Platform 9 3/4, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus Lupin is a Good Friend, Shame Sirius really had a terrible childhood, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, Werewolf Remus Lupin, from the full moon, it's pretty bittersweet, mentions of abuse, mentions of physical abuse, semi-graphic description of injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoopyghostbones/pseuds/spoopyghostbones
Summary: Sirius is always too cold. Remus is always too hot. The solution? Angsty cuddles, with a side of secret telling.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	Thermodynamic Equilibrium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [e_of_west_glendia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_of_west_glendia/gifts).



> This was inspired by that one Tumblr post about how one person always has cold hands and the other always has warm hands and together they create the perfect temperature for hand-holding. 
> 
> This is a birthday fic for Eva - my first ever fandom friend :,) I appreciate the life out of you lovely <3

From the outside, the Blacks were the perfect household - composed, elegant, loving. Walburga and Orion Black loved their darling children, the very picture of Pureblood grace. But Sirius always was the black sheep of his family.

Behind closed doors not everybody stuck to the standards. No matter how many nasty words and threats were thrown Sirius’s way, from his parents and brother alike, he refused to behave. Eventually the threats became more than threats, and the verbal abuse became more than verbal.

Sirius’s grey eyes became haunted where they were once bright, and the shoulders that he was forced to keep proud in public stooped in private. If you looked close enough at him that first day at King’s Cross, First Year, you would have noticed he walked with a limp and favoured the leg his mother hadn’t driven her heel into the night before. He never left his packing so late again.

That day at King’s Cross there was another boy hiding his pain - one Remus Lupin.

Remus, however, came from a far warmer household than Sirius did. It was a small, modest cottage in the middle of nowhere, but it was filled with laughter, love and sunlight, and surrounded with enough open pastures that nobody would hear the screams of a small boy in pain every full moon. That first day, Remus still carried with him the aching agony of a transformation that had taken place eleven days prior; one of his nastier ones.

This particular one left a large gash that ran from his left shoulder and over to his right hip, slicing his torso in two. It wouldn’t be fully healed before his next transformation, and it would scar horribly, but of course nobody knew that at the time.

Remus walked gingerly with a lightened trunk – courtesy of his father – and stooped like he held the world on his shoulders.

Sirius walked gingerly with a heavy trunk – stuffed full of everything he owned – and lifted his head like he held the world on a platter.

Walburga Black hovered distastefully at his shoulder, seeing him off with a sharp jab into his collar bone and a severe 'behave' before she whirled away in a mess of gossamer and snarled teeth.

Remus was warmly embraced by both his parents – mindful of the gash on his torso – and was seen off with a wave and teary smiles from his mom and a resolute nod from his father.

James Potter rounded both of them up immediately, perhaps seeing a bright future where neither of them had yet, and they were inseparable from that day forward.

-

When they returned for third year, Sirius was different. He snapped at his friends and pushed them away, refusing to partake in any of the pranks they had painstakingly planned across the summer. His eyes were cold, and nobody saw him smile until January when Remus managed to pull him out of his shell.

He wouldn’t talk about what had happened that summer with anyone, and soon the Marauders learned to stop pushing. It took Sirius’s errant magic tearing their dorm room to shreds to convince them.

One night, near the end of third year, Remus was awoken by the sound of sobbing coming from Sirius’s bed. He was a light sleeper so close to the moon, especially since it was due on the day he would get home.

Sirius slept with the curtains around his bed drawn tightly now, even though he had never even closed them to get dressed before the summer. Remus figured he probably put up industrial Silencing charms as well, as he’d never heard Sirius cry before tonight – moon or no moon.

Remus lay, conflicted, for a long while and debated the pros and cons of seeing if Sirius was okay. Eventually, when it sounded like Sirius was crying out in pain, Remus slipped out of bed and stole quietly towards the other bed.

‘Sirius?’ He whispered, tugging the curtain back. It was pitch black, but Remus’s heightened senses allowed him to make out a small form curled up in the middle of the bed that suddenly seemed too large. When no reply came, he lifted one knee and pressed it to the mattress, reaching out to get Sirius’s attention.

The second he touched the bed, Sirius sat bolt upright and turned a fear-stricken face on him. His knees were pulled to his chest and his arms were up, as if to block a blow. Remus’ heart twisted.

‘It’s me,’ he said softly, waving his hand placatingly. ‘It’s just me, it’s Remus. I’m not going to hurt you, Sirius. It’s me.’

Sirius was shaking, Remus could see it in his quivering hands, but he lowered his arms nonetheless and stared widely at Remus.

‘What are you doing here?’ Sirius croaked. His hair was in disarray, and that, combined with his wide and gleaming eyes, made him look like a frightened child.

‘I – you were – I wanted to make sure you were alright,’ Remus stuttered, cheeks colouring. ‘Are you? Alright, I mean?’

Sirius blinked owlishly at him, still shuddering every now and then. He had wrapped his arms around his knees, head resting in the crook of his elbow. He shrugged.

‘Are you cold?’ Remus asked, for once wondering if maybe Sirius was shaking for reasons other than waking from an apparent nightmare.

‘Always, these days,’ Sirius chuckled bitterly, gritting his teeth through another shudder.

‘Do you want me to cast a warming charm?’

Sirius shook his head. ‘They don’t work,’ he mumbled. ‘Nothing works.’

Remus bit his lip, considering. He knew his temperature always ran high, due to his condition. But, well, it wasn’t very proper to offer to cuddle your male best friend for heat, now was it?

‘Do you want one of my blankets?’ He tried, finally.

Sirius shook his head again. ‘’S fine, thanks. I won’t be able to go back to sleep now anyway.’

‘Me neither,’ Remus lied easily. It wasn’t that much of a lie, considering how on edge he was, but he could probably still sleep if he tried. ‘Want me to stay up with you?’

‘Are you sure?’ Sirius bit his lip now. ‘I don’t want you to be tired tomorrow.’

‘I was awake anyway,’ Remus shrugged, climbing further onto the bed to sit against the headboard. ‘Won’t do much good to try sleep now if it wasn’t working earlier.’

Sirius was quiet for a long while, still sitting curled up with his blankets bunched around his waist a little in front of the head board. Remus surveyed his back from where he sat, noting the goose flesh he could see pebbling Sirius’s fair neck. After a while, Sirius spoke.

‘D’you want to get under the blanket?’ He shifted to hold the blanket up and Remus crawled under it quickly. Once he was covered, Sirius shuffled back down and they lay almost shoulder to shoulder for a few minutes. Sirius shivered again, and the movement brought him into contact with Remus’s arm.

‘Merlin, you’re warm,’ He muttered, shuffling closer. Remus chuckled, but didn’t protest when Sirius all but snuggled up against him. Now that he was pressed close, Remus could feel that his skin was ice cold.

‘I run hot,’ Remus said redundantly. His only answer was Sirius’s gentle snores. It seemed he was able to fall back asleep, after all.

-

That night was the best either of them had slept in ages. Remus, though accustomed to being warm, was nonetheless discomforted by it. Sirius was always cold, and Remus was always hot, and together they maintained the perfect temperature for comfort.

Neither of them mentioned it when sleeping in each other’s beds, and tangling as much with one another as they did with the sheets became a regular occurrence. Sirius cooled Remus down on the nights he woke feverish, mostly around the moon, and Remus heated Sirius up on the nights he woke shivering from cold in the middle of a heat wave.

One night, when neither of them could sleep despite the fact they were comfortably tangled, Sirius confided in Remus that prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus curse damaged nerves so much that the victim was perpetually always cold.

In return for Sirius’s secret, Remus shared his.


End file.
